S(mile)ING! (調子に合わせた英語版) 翻訳解釈
Ever had one of those moments where you puzzle over something hard, then let sit for a while because you can't figure it out, then eventually forget about it?
Around nine months ago, I started on a singable translation of Uzuki Shimamura's song in Cinderella Master 10. Normally I don't even bother with songs, since I just assume that I can't make anything that I'd be satisfied with in the end. They were made for Japanese lyrics, not English, after all, so the deck's kinda stacked against you.
But while looking at the lyrics one day, a few decent lines popped into my head. Then another, and another, and before I knew it, I had one of the choruses translated fairly well and like half a verse. This is actually the point where I start thinking, "Hey, maybe this is possible."
So I decided to give it an honest shot. After maybe about a week, I got most the way through, but I had trouble with two lines. I thought about them for a while, but then I just couldn't figure anything out and eventually they fell into the sort of hiatus that would make Yoshihiro Togashi proud.
... Actually, maybe he's not too proud of his hiatuses. Maybe Kentaro Miura would approve.
Over these last nine months, I've kinda passed my eyes over them from time to time thinking there'd be some inspiration waiting to hit me, but for some reason, nothing ever tingled my spider senses... until today. Something finally popped into my mind for those last two lines... but when I sat down and thought about it, they were pretty simple. I don't know why I didn't think of them before, or maybe I did and decided to try for something else at the time.
I think I'm going to do something different and just say what I was thinking when I made these lyrics.
... Or at least, what I think I was thinking. Most of these were written at the end of last year. (^_^);;
In my dreams I've always seen the stage
Always in my eyes but still ever distant
All my friends, they've risen up to face the crowd
I had some trouble starting things out. I felt like I had some good lines in other parts of the song, but had to find something to fill in the introduction. Even now, I think there might be something that could be better here, but I did do a fair bit of thinking here.
Shining so bright, bathing in light, like diamonds
But it's my turn to dive!
In the spotlight with my voice!
Giving all of me to shine on, and tell the world of my dreams
I think these were the first lines I came up with. Nothing much to say here, other than I was completely happy with what I thought up of. In fact, I don't think I ever revised these lines.
When I look at the actual song though, the original lyrics seem... I dunno, forced? It's like they're trying all they can to fit in all the original syllables in the last three lines here, realizing that they don't all fit. Translating this, I decided to go for a more relaxed beat if I could, and realized I was going to have to shuffle some of the English words around if I wanted them to stay in the translation. I think I pulled it off.
So now, cast those tears aside, leaving the past behind!
Go! I'll reach for new heights today!
'Cause I'll swear to my shooting stars
I'll race through the skies with them and
Fly! There's no place for last regrets!
Always smiling, singing, dancing
(with) All my love!
Some of the first lines I came up with are here too, but I can't say this went as smoothly as the last.
I had to put a lot of thought into the first line of the chorus. First, while the original lyrics say something like, "I'll never back down again," (which could be singable too), it never sat well with me. All the lines like this suffered from the same. If I went with this, the most accented syllable would have been "down". I wanted to avoid negative words from standing out if I could, since the song is a really positive, encouraging song. I know I was only partly successful at doing this throughout the song, though.
... So, I thought what could I put here? "Reach for the skies?" Oh wait, I use that word later. "Reach for the stars?" ... Oh. I settled for "new heights" here, and I'm not sure I can do any better. The skies and stars lines were better where they were, so I changed this line to fit instead.
By the way, the last "(with)" there is optional. You can fit it in easily, if you want to keep your grammar intact.
Slow but sure, I step into the light,
Unknown to the crowd but still getting closer.
Deep within my heart I know I'll give to them
Body and soul, in part and in whole, for everyone.
Oh geez, I swear I have so many problems starting these verses. I used a few of these words in the last verse in around the same place (light and crowd), but I think they should be good here.
The first two lines in the original Japanese are a really strange time when you can translate them with loads of syllables to spare, so I translated the entire stanza as a whole. The entire third line was translated into the second line, and was mixed in with a bit of the first to boot.
It shouldn't be a surprise that the last line is the one that came to me like a bolt from the blue. You could say that the first three lines assume the last won't ever be revised.
With a flash and a pose!
Can you see me and my choice?
Can you tell all the things I cry and tear over show what I love?
Oh, these are nice. I'm changing the beat around a bit here too, but it's not as dramatic as what I did last time. The original lyrics weren't too forced here either.
That's now, like a rainbow sky, what I present to you
Here we go, hate from the purists! The original lyrics use the English word "colorful", but I totally tossed them when translating. Sorry, it just didn't fit, especially since it's pronounced with four syllables using the Japanese syllabary, as opposed to three in actual English. The phrase it's in doesn't take three syllable words too well - you can replace "rainbow sky" with it, but stick it anywhere else in the five spots it pops up in, and it sounds pretty bad. So I found another way to say it.
You may have noticed that some of these lyrics tend to flow from one line to the next - this line can be sung as if it were continued from the line before it. With these random English words thrown around at the beginning of some lines, I figured this was the best way to arrange them. Lines might end, but they kinda don't, flowing into the next to keep the verse going.
Shoot! No camera will let me go!
Well, shoot. Maybe you guys are different, but when I see that word alone like that, I either think someone's cursing his life, or he's busting a cap in someone's knees. This means I have to somehow beat the fact that we're talking about cameras over people's head as fast as humanly possible.
'Cause I'm gonna give to my lucky stars
The wink of a heroine, soMove! I won't stop for anything
For more dreaming, hoping, for my future!
Another set of nice, simple lyrics that practically wrote themselves.
Dreams won't stay as dreams forever 'cause
step by step, I'll make them real... so now,
These were the lines. These were the ones that put this entire translation on hiatus. I think I had something similar to these at one point, but I must have thought I should try for something else then.
Bye! There's no need for tears again.
So I'll be wishing on tomorrow's dreams
With a kiss for my sweat and blood, 'cause
I think these were pretty easy to translate. A little worried about the first line there, since the most prominent word is tears, but... I guess it's okay when you take the line as a whole.
You might notice I stopped talking about stars in the second line. We're still wishing on 'em, though. ^_^;
Hey! There's nothing too good to do
Oh-kay. You could translate this line as, "There's nothing impossible (for me)", but even though it fits, impossible is a fairly awkward word to put in here. Not only that, it's really prominent, and despite the fact that the word nothing immediately precedes it, after the line's over the only thing that's memorable about the line is that word impossible. This song's supposed to be uplifting, right? So scratch that.
I thought about, "There's nothing that can't be done" as well, but the contraction is in a really bad spot and has to really be enunciated or the audience will only hear "can". The second negation is really easy to miss, and that's not good. Not only that, again... the word "can't" will be pretty prominent and stand out more than the rest of the line. Another negative, depressing word.
So, where do the lyrics I settled on come in? The exact Japanese word in the original lyrics is ありえない. Yeah, it means impossible, but if someone asks you to do something and you respond that way, you're pretty much saying there's not a snowball's chance you'll do whatever they asked of you. So that's what I went with.
I've had to translate around that one note for the entire song. What else have I put in there? Heights, last, let, any, tears, good, and second. Tears is the only one that seems like it could be improved, but overall... I think it's all good.
For more dreaming, hoping, for my future!
Rise! There's no time for second thoughts!
I've already slept off all my sorrows and
I've sworn to myself I'd stand here
Live! I won't let these feelings end!
With me smiling, singing, dancing
(with) All my...!
Love in melody and harmony forever!
And the ending. These were pretty easy to write too.
